Do you talk about money with your spouse?

John and I didn’t talk about money.

All we did is earn it and spend it.

We didn’t discuss how we make money and how much we make; we certainly didn’t discuss how much we spend. Heck, we didn’t even know how much we make and how much we spend.

There were only assumptions.

John assumed that he is expected to ‘provide’.

No, he isn’t old fashioned at all; and only the Good Lord knows where all this rubbish about being the provider came from.

Because his consultancy was insecure – like many consultancies of one are – he didn’t always make enough. He always hoped and never talked to me about it.

I assumed that what I earn can’t possibly be enough to run the household. In retrospect, this is why I didn’t want to know. I lost my sleep, I worried about money for a decade before we reached the crisis.

I never talked to John about it, I never told him how I felt.

It didn’t end well: we found ourselves in a lot of debt.

I was angry with John for couple of years; I think I still blame him for the debt sometimes.

I sense that he still feels a mixture of guilt, remorse and defiance.

We are still together, stronger than before.

Now it’s different.

We share our dreams.

We dream about retirement.

We dream about being able to control what we do and how much we work after October 2018.

We dream about travelling together; I mean, going nomadic for some time.

We dream about doing good deeds. No, not charity. We dream about providing opportunities.

Even more importantly, we talk about how to achieve our dreams; we talk about all conditions, including we talk about money.

So, here are my questions for you, friend:

1. When was the last time you and your spouse did talk about money?
2. What was discussed?
3. Do you think, spouses should be more open with each other about money?

I’ll start answering.

1. The last time John and I talked about money was couple of days ago. We were discussing an investment opportunity I’d spotted. Watch this space!
2. We discussed whether it is worth investing in and how much we can put in. Putting our heads together is good – John is much more technical and I’m much more a person who spots structures and where things are going.
3. We learned the hard way that the main success factor in a marriage is to talk; this includes talking about money.

You turn now.