I would have never thought that getting in debt may have been the best thing to happen to me but my friend Alison may be onto something.
Several years back I was driving a bright yellow Smart Fortwo with grey sidebars.
Sweet! All my friends were rather surprised. This was not a car that suited someone in my organisational position. The one friend who just looked at the car smiled and said ‘It is so you!’ was Alison.
Why am I telling you this? Because today talking over lunch, she suddenly looked at me and said:
‘Do you know, getting into all this debt may be the best thing that could have happened in your life!’
Really! I know that I am feeling very Zen and positive about the whole ‘negative wealth’ situation and our large consolidation loan. This is now that we can see the finish line, but when I found out we are in debt I was so stressed, that I thought my life has ended. This made me think, could it be that it was really good for me?
When I looked back on the last three years I realised how much I’ve changed. Because I had to and the pain of staying the same was so much greater than the fear of the transformation.
Do you remember the movie Forest Gump? I mean the scene where the legless captain was on the boat in a storm, shouting and making peace with his life? I suppose this is what happened to me during the first several weeks of realising that we have gaffed with our finances; big time!
Here are the four main ways in which I’ve changed. ( I also made some mental adjustments to become debt free.)
Here is how getting in debt changed me
Learned how to turn predicaments into problems
Before the debt, life happened to me and whenever there was trouble there was no obvious way out of it. I lived my life as a long string of predicaments. Predicaments cannot be solved; the best one can do about them is to just ‘drop it’.
Compared to predicaments, problems are a true blessing because, as the old Maori saying goes, ‘if there is no solution, there is no problem’.
What I learned to do during the last three years is to differentiate between predicaments and problems, minimise the predicaments by abandoning some and finding solutions to others, and deal promptly with my problems.
Try this one! Mastering it takes practice, mindfulness and control but it is very much worth it!
Became more accepting of life
I am a great believer in Marx’s eleventh thesis on Feuerbach. It reads: ‘Philosophers have hitherto only interpreted the world in various ways; the point is to change it’. So, I suppose you have already got the idea – I became more accepting of my life because I was ready to change it. With this lust for change, for turning things around, came a flood of positivity and calmness. Want an example?
One of the most stressful things to happen is to be going back home after a hard week’s work away and be told that the incoming plane is broken and it is not clear when you are flying. Now, usually, this would make me fly up the wall and spend my time pacing nervously around, swearing under my breath and hearing the galloping horde of Genghis Chan in my head. When it happened a couple of years ago, I just exhaled, turned to my fellow passengers and said: ‘Who is up for a beer?’
We didn’t take off till the early hours of the morning, it was tiring but I met some wonderful people and had some very expensive beer; and the Airline paid for the beer :).
This is the kind of acceptance I am talking about!
Started seeing opportunities for what they are
Most of the time, most of us think that opportunities are scarce in our lives.
This is BS: opportunities are plentiful and it is just that we either don’t see them, are not ready for them or mix opportunities with success.
For my part, I was raised to see opportunities where others see obstacles; I live my life so that opportunities are not missed and I still blew it with most of them. Why? Because I made the mistake of seeing the opportunities as success rather than grabbing them with both hands and running with them. Then again, taking up opportunities is scary, isn’t it?
During the last couple of years, a lot of my effort went into developing the habit of taking opportunities and my life doesn’t consist of ‘selected intentions’ any longer. Now I do!
I learned to play!
One thing I realised is that taking life very seriously impedes experimentation, limits creativity and, ultimately, restricts our growth and achievement. When I read the 4-hour week by Tim Ferriss my mind was not simply open to his ideas; I was more than halfway there already.
So I started to play; or put differently, I started pushing myself beyond my comfort zone. Of course for this, I had to learn my limits!
One of these limits was about thinking, talking and negotiating money.
In fact, today John mentioned that ‘before’ he didn’t even know how to broach any subject related to our finances with me. Now I write The Money Principle (yes, sometimes my blog is about money), talk to my friends about ‘side hustle’ and investments, and negotiate like a market vendor from the East. It all started with me standing at the bottom of a ski slope and asking people whether they will re-sell me their passes. Did I feel uncomfortable? You bet! Could I talk about money after that? Could I heck!
Gradually ‘play’ has become exactly ‘what it says on the tin’. After all, three weeks ago I did a Zumba class in Santiago, on Providencia Street. How great is that!
Why getting in debt was good for me
Is getting in debt the best thing that could have happened to me?
Yes, it is! As a result of it, I’ve learned to live my life and make it as fun as it could be; which makes me so much more fun to be around.
I have heard this argument before. For some, this is a motivator, others would feel stressed. Therefore everyone is different and if it works, great!
@Krant: You are right, Krant. But what I found is that one can only win if one is flexible enough to allow change and growth. I did feel stressed – when the whole thing came to light I thought my life has ended; or at least my life as I know it. Then I just saw the opportunity for growth and change and started pushing myself our of the familiar and, let’s say it, the rut that I was in. It turned out my life had just started!
Any adversity that morphs into free beer is bound to be a teaching moment.
@101 Centavos: Ha,ha! This just about sums up my transformation – I have become the woman who can morph adversity into a free drink and some great conversation :). Thanks, my friend!
I think that it’s great that you’ve grown and developed from the situation. That’s what’s key, is taking a situation and learning from it one way or another. So while getting into debt won’t really be considered a “good” thing in general, it seems like you’ve taken the time to embrace self-improvement along the way. Seems like you’ve handled it very well, and I can see how people could get more wisdom this way!
@Digital Personal Finance: The great thing was not the debt as such; debt is debt! But it was what knocked me out of the track I was on – like many people, harbouring rumbling dissatisfaction with life and work and the rest, but not having the courage to get up and change it. As a result of this shock I learned – about the world and more importantly about myself – and learned to do!
It is great that you have learned how to turn a situation most people would sink in into a source of motivation. But does one really have to go into debt to find that out? I hope I don’t have to go hungry to realize food is great, or to be homeless to value my home. Yes it made you achieve more, but with a little self introspection you may have come to the same conclusions without the debt burden.
@Pauline: It doesn’t have to be debt! But I truly believe that we need some sort of crisis to grow and develop. However, this may be an expression of my slavic soul (slavs have a great capacity to suffer and find solace in it; just read some of the Russian classics) – though I hope it isn’t and the proto-Bulgar side of me is winning :).
Your friend make a good observation. Sometimes it takes a huge problem to make us realize how strong and resilient we are. I enjoyed reading your anecdotes and about your positive outlook in different situations in life. Who doesn’t love free beer?
@Felix: Thank you for stopping by, Felix! Yeah, I like telling stories and love my life making a good story! And, as you may have already noticed, I am very pleased about these changes – life is so much more fun without the worry, concern and ‘closeness’.
I love friends like that. I have one friend that when we get together, we don’t even have to talk. Just being in each other’s company is enough.
If you hadn’t gotten into debt, you wouldn’t have started this blog, so that is definately a plus!
@Edward: My dear, Edward, it has been some time since someone said something as sweet to me – about my blog. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And of course you are right – it is not only that I wouldn’t have started this blog, a completely different voice would have been coming through!