I remember the evening I realised how large our debt is too clearly.
My husband and I were having a glass of wine, getting ready to escape into the Netflix series we were watching. He cleared his throat and said:
“Darling, we seem to have accumulated some debt.”
Now, ‘some’ can mean many things. It can mean £200 or £5,000. In our case, it meant £100,000.
And I wept. Tears hit the rim of the glass before I even took a sip.
That moment broke me. Not just because we were in so much debt, but also because we were out of options and hope.
The shame was suffocating. How had I let it get this bad? I felt like a failure.
But guilt morphed into blame, and my anger pointed to my husband.
I raged, I cried, and I paced my bedroom all night long.
Hopelessness slivered through my soul, eating all joy. My future had been stolen. I won’t ever retire, experience the world or give my son a life of possibilities.
The panic. The helplessness. The crushing weight of it all.
Then, one morning a couple of weeks later, I woke up with a new resolve: I can change all that. I can pay off our debt and come out fighting.
And I did!
It’s okay to feel broken, my friend. What’s not okay is staying stuck there. Do you want to know how to break free from being ‘broken’?
Drowning in the Numbers
Debt doesn’t hit all at once. It creeps in like a drip leak.
One late payment turns into two. A small emergency goes on the card, “just this once.” The interest compounds, the balances grow, and suddenly you’re drowning.
Most of our debt came from my husband’s credit cards. He had a few of those because…why not? He moved balances to zero per cent cards, and hoped that if he got one large contract, all balances would be cleared.
The thing is, this contract never came.
The deeper he got, the more ashamed he felt — and the less he did about it. Oh, and less inclined he felt to tell me, which hurt on so many levels.
That’s the toxic cycle: shame makes you hide, and hiding makes it worse.
Emotion is valid.
But emotion isn’t a strategy. It took my husband far too long to realise that, and by the time he did, it was almost too late – we were on the brink of losing everything.
The Shift — From Panic to Power
Once my husband told me how far into debt we were, I did what most people will do – I panicked and submitted to my emotions.
Until the morning when the truth hit me like a slap: crying didn’t pay off our debt. Neither did screaming, pacing and self-loathing.
But facing the numbers did.
So, I wrote down every debt.
I calculated exactly what we owed, the interest rates, and the payments.
I reviewed our monthly income and expenses to ensure we have enough to make debt payments.
It was brutal.
But it was the first time I felt a spark of control. Even though the numbers were ugly, at least I knew them. And once you know what you’re up against, you can fight.
You don’t have to feel ready. But you must start.
The First Steps or How to Take Control of Your Large Debt
Face the Numbers
I created a simple spreadsheet and recorded every single debt, including creditor name, balance, interest rate, and monthly payment.
I didn’t round down or gloss over anything. You can’t fight what you won’t face.
Stop the Bleeding
I went through our spending with a fine-tooth comb.
I changed our insurance, cut out all non-essential spending, and said no to everything that wasn’t essential, including rent, food, and transportation.
I developed the ERR strategy for money management, which helped me identify ‘waste’ in our spending, and followed it like a gospel.
It was hard and it was fun.
More importantly, it was worth it. Lifestyle leaks are silent killers — plug the holes.
Make a Plan
We consolidated most credit cards into one large loan, thus reducing the interest rate threefold.
You may decide to try the avalanche method (paying off the debt with the highest interest rate first) or the snowball method (paying off the debt with the smallest balance first), which works too.
Pick one. Start there.
Find Extra Money
I started an online business.
I took on private work.
Every dollar mattered.
Your closet, your skills, your bills — they’re all potential cash flow.
Automate Discipline
Once I had some breathing room, I set up auto-payments.
And the overpayments came on top of that.
It wasn’t glamorous. It was continuous progress towards a worthy goal – to become debt-free.
Staying in the Fight
Paying off debt is not a movie montage.
It’s more like a gritty training montage on repeat. It’s boring. It’s slow. It’s a test of your patience and resolve.
There were times I felt like quitting.
There were setbacks — surprise bills, moments of weakness.
But I kept going. I tracked my wins. I celebrated when our loan reached a certain mark.
I reminded myself why I was doing this: freedom.
If you slip up, don’t spiral. A mistake is not a failure. Recommit and keep moving.
Life After the Last Debt Payment
The day of our last debt payment, I wanted to shout it from the rooftops.
I wasn’t ready for how emotional it would be. I didn’t shout from the rooftops, but I wrote a blog post about it and my husband and I shared a glass of wine.
But something had shifted. I walked taller. I trusted myself more. I no longer had to dread the mail and avoid opening our bank accounts.
And more than anything, I knew I’d never be in that hole again — because I’d learned how to climb out.
Cry If You Need To. Then, Get to Work and Pay off Your Debt.
If you’re in that dark place — crying, ashamed, paralysed over your debt — know this: you’re not weak.
You’re human. But staying stuck is a choice.
You can fight your way out.
It won’t be fast. It won’t be easy.
But it will change you in the best possible way.
So pour one last glass. Cry if you need to. Then get up tomorrow and start. Start small. Start scared. Just start.
Your freedom is on the other side of that fight. And I promise — it’s worth every step.
Would you like a downloadable checklist version of the “First Steps” section?