Job Applications: Please Enter Your Name, Address and Life Story Below

Editor’s note: This week Alex tackles the issue of job applications. How much do employers really need to know from the job application and do you need to be an enthusiastic high achiever to get a cleaning job?

This week I’d like to spread some thought-seeds around the subject of job application forms. From the pressures of the sheer level of expectancy on the applicant’s part to the seemingly random choices of presentation and page structure different companies use, as well as how in-depth the questions can be.

Last week I told you of my job interview and the mildly off putting questions I was asked on a one to one basis (it was actually two interviewers playing roles like good cop-bad cop). And yes, to a certain degree I whine rather of a lot, about everything from poorly written and produced film and television to how people can behave in public, and of course job searching itself. But I always have a case in point lurking somewhere… Thusly:

What I find arguably rude and most definitely unnecessary is that with application forms there can be an overly personal mode of questioning and there also seems to be no commonly good way of presentation (The forms have no form). I have come across dozens of differing application forms online and probably just as many paper copies over the years. I have never been good at filling out forms with my fleeting levels of concentration… What was I talking about…? Oh yes, the forms are so awkwardly set out, with small print barely a line on the top of the page, or header, and the spaces to write your details down about as spacious as a bear would be trying to fit in a badgers nest (don’t try that at home).

Perhaps more awkward though is that to even apply for a basic job the company or at least who ever devised the forms want to know your personal thoughts and experiences, and your ability to respond with flair and good use of language. Last week I mentioned flair as an advanced way of presenting yourself at an interview, which is understandable to a degree if the end-game really is to sell yourself as productive workforce face to face with a future boss. However, even in an interview it seems to be a bit much to expect brilliance from everyone, and even more so upon the application form when writing skills are being judged.

To explain a little, my thoughts on this issue stems from a recent application I filled out for a cleaning job at a leisure centre. I was at my work programme, Avanta, on Tuesday morning trying to make sense of a very lengthy and meandering bunch of questions. Some of these questions had me stumped for minutes after minutes of ‘erm’ and ‘hmm’ as they were asking me to be creative in my answers about relevant experience, personality strengths and weaknesses and, bizarrely, where I see myself in 10 years time. This is for a job cleaning changing rooms, toilets and floors remember, and yet if I wanted the job I would have to delve deep into my psyche and entangle the riddles of life and then relate it all back to why I would be good at wiping stuff. How strange it all appears to be, at least to me.

The other issue was that I got continuously distracted at the same time by people in the room at Avanta as I was using one of the computers there. I’m going to be having words with some of the staff there, as polite as I can and perhaps in a subtly ironic tone as I don’t think that even though I’m one of the bums supposedly dragging Britain down by claiming benefits I should be made to hear them loudly nattering on. Maybe they can provide a quiet area for me with my own personal space, but they’ll probably just look at me as I’m speaking in tongues. I don’t know about you, but I can’t concentrate so easily when… (wanders off).

Back again and I better finish off by getting back to the point. Job applications, or any form like medical ones, need to be standardised for fools like me. I’m sure many of us have some troubles because there is so much information crammed into a small area and sometimes they’re even printed wrongly and at wonky angles. It’s not torturous, but it can be unpleasant to think that someone may be briefly looking at your form and smirking, or just simply disregarding it from the first line because of untidiness or that you’ve put your first name in NAME (surname) with ‘surname’ as small in font size as is possible. I’m pretty sure I’ve done that at least once.

The advantage then is with online applications, as no ink will smudge without the want of a pen. The problem then is, and I realise I’m whining again, is like I’ve said above; they go too in-depth, too personal and too complex in order for a person to simply just try and achieve employment status and earn a wage. I eventually completed the extensive online form for the cleaning job. It took me almost two hours, and in the end I’m not sure if my answers were all too in-depth, too personal or too complex for them to interpret. I would have written them a sonnet about bleaching shower room floors, but then they might have thought I was showing off.

You see, all I wanted is to apply for a full time job doing something which we could all do, so long as we feel physically up for it and don’t mind urine stains. Apparently you have to be mentally up for it too, because you never know how useful a good understanding of arithmetic or a good range of vocabulary will be when you take on the ever-intellectual mop and bucket.

I think that’s enough sarcasm for this week. I don’t want to appear bitter. Bloomin’ application forms, they just get more and more unnecessary and weirdly devised.

photo credit: Chicago Man via photopin cc